You suck at cooking. Yeah, you totally suck. All right, today we’re doing 5 easy breakfasts. Breakfast #1 – Apples and Almond Butter. So, you’re gonna make some apple slices. Take some almond butter and just spread that on there to create an open-faced apple almond butter sandwich. Mmm, you can also do a closed face sandwich. You can make a reverse open-faced sandwich. Or you can make apple sticks with almond dip. This is great if you have kids or if you have immature adults. Or apple chopsticks with almond butter noodles. Or you can carve a little apple spoon and just eat the almond butter straight out of a bowl. But breakfast can be this simple. This whole idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day is propaganda created by the cereal. *muffled eating* Breakfast #2 – Microwave Egg in a Mug Start by taking your mug and spraying it full of non-stick chemicals. I’m gonna take a shell-less egg and scramble it up a bit and just pour that in there. I’m gonna take a little bit of green pepper. Throw that in there and a little bit of tomato. Throw in some pepper pepper pepper and a pinch of salt. Actually *whispering* Just give that another little mix. Now let’s take this To the microwave. Let’s try 20 seconds, wait till it looks like a scene in the movie Gremlins Look at that. You give it a little stir and see if it’s cooked through It needs a few more seconds. Pop it back in. It’s great on some parm. Boom, got a little omelette in a mug also known as a mugelet or an omelug and don’t forget to serve it with A hot plate of coffee, okay Breakfast #3 Banana Peanut Butter. It’s gonna take your banana, and you can just Dip that into the peanut butter and then go ahead and It’s actually better if you take a bite by bite, and just spread a little peanut butter on and then eat it mmm… I love this breakfast. Another thing you can do is take your banana put a few holes in the side fill those up with peanut butter if you want to make this in advance for the next morning and just slide it back into your banana skin, close that up. I’ll take a glue gun take your zipper put some hot glue down each side here be very careful hot glue will fuck you up and then, ow ow, ow, ow. Just go lay that out along the edge till that secure in place, and then when you’re ready your breakfast in the morning You can save so much time just by zipping that open and go into town on your peanut butter banana I recommend throwing that in the fridge Breakfast #4 Overnight Oats So you’re gonna take some oats around 1/2 cup then we’re gonna distill these between the Mason jars Til we have triple distilled mason oats, or trip des motes. then you have the same amount of milk I’m using vanilla almond milk You can use whatever you want equal parts oats, and milk is the base of overnight oats. From there you can add whatever you want to flavor it. I personally love a big scoop of peanut butter a very popular overnight oats additive as chia seeds Yes These are the same ones that go on the pet if you are already using a sweetened milk like sweetened soy or Almond milk, you can add a little bit of maple syrup or other sweetener And then just stir that up then you screw on the lid and this goes in the fridge overnight And they taste best when they’re served on a fresh yoga mat And now we’re at Breakfast #5 making this starts by going for a walking And coming to terms of the fact that if you make this you’re never gonna be a home owner or making avocado toast *cutting the avocado weirdly* Well, I really hope it was worth it Breakfast. Break So go at a speed that you want to go Don’t let anybody say you go too slow unless you’re late cuz you’re on your owwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn Do not let anyone tell you how fast to go. Gotta get to work, gotta get to school, gotta get to bed, gotta get it up Do not let anyone tell you how slow to go Gotta cut the grass, gotta wash the car, gotta, gotta, gotta make breakfast right now. You suck at breakfast. Oh my God, you suck.