A Couples Therapist Explains Iconic Film and TV Relationships

relationships and pop culture especially romantic ones tend to be idealized so because of that it often sets us up.


relationships and pop culture especially romantic ones tend to be idealized so because of that it often sets us up for unrealistic expectations unfortunately hi my name is Omar Torres I’m a licensed clinical social worker in New York and today we’re going to be talking about some of the most influential romances in TV and movies and how they impact relationships today you had sex with another woman we were broken up we were on a break but for all I knew what could last forever that to me is a break up in their relationship they broke up and got together you really want to make sure that any time you get back together with the next if that’s what you decide that it feels like a brand new relationship the last thing you want to do is bring baggage from you know round 1 round 2 round 3 into the current relationship I think that sets that’s gonna set the both of you up for conflict and not healthy conflict Jack and Rose it is the quintessential you meet someone and it’s like a life-changing life-altering love and it’s a young love and it doesn’t get the time that you wish it did get to flourish not all love is meant to stick around all that long to be honest with you and and that’s okay as long as there’s something that you can take away from it it’s still really really significant and sometimes one of the greatest things that you can do for a loved one is to let them go which is sort of how I interpret this scene she had to let him go literally otherwise she would die so hopefully that’s not the case for a relationship but sometimes the best thing that you can do for your beloved for yourself for the relationship is to say goodbye look I don’t care if you don’t want to talk to me or not but please get up and fix my breakfast I need my Springs loosen you’re gonna pick my breakfast or not what you wanted to do is starve to death would you please so here we see a pretty explicit example of gender roles with Ricardo essentially demanding that Lucy make him breakfast when he is up and dressed so you know he can make the breakfast himself but these were a sign of the times so you know one thing that I find really interesting is Lucy’s silent treatment one of the questions that I’ll ask someone when I noticed them shut down is what is the silence communicated and in that moment Lucy might say I’m angry and then I would have Ricky acknowledge and affirm the fact that she’s angry and pissed off and to talk about like what can I do to help make a repair some people really do need a cool-down period and that may have been what Lucy needed which is also perfectly healthy however Lucy would have to communicate that need to Ricky what’s he supposed to do you’re flying around here which wouldn’t be lying around if we weren’t making room because yours is lying around you get more shine around so that’s one of my favorite scenes um that show because it talks about how do two people join together and how do you negotiate the space that a relationship takes up in your life what’s important to realize in relationships is that this is all a process this isn’t something that happens overnight and that negotiations and the rezoning of boundaries is something that again is like a puzzle piece it’s not something that you necessarily figure out right away don’t you ever just shut up the fact that at some point they knew this argument needed to stop because it was only escalating it’s like wow music to my ears sorry so one of the things that I love about Harry Met Sally is that it’s one of the few rom-coms of its time where the two protagonists meet and develop a friendship over decades before they ever get together and one of the things that patients talk about in terms of meeting someone is that like lightning strike choir singing fireworks like I know this is the one oftentimes relationships are a slow burn usually you meet someone and you simply ask yourself do I want to see them one more time and if the answer is yes you see them one more time and then you ask that question again and eventually you ask that question over months and you find yourself saying oh yeah like I’m in a relationship with this person and I want to build a life with them and oftentimes that’s how it works and that’s totally fine – it’s something that grows and develops over time what I’m saying is and this is not a come-on in any way shape or form is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way of course they can be friends I think what’s important for the two individuals is to suss out friendship feelings and room it’s just afraid if you saw the kind of people I came from you wouldn’t have be anywhere near me see that’s where you’re a dummy I think about what you grew up listen and I look at what you are makes me proud the reason why I particularly love this scene in this relationship is that Tara gives voice to something that I think a lot of us have going on in the back of our heads which is if I show you the worst parts of me will you still love me I love willows responds instead of saying how could you think that you know I love you she says listen knowing where you’re from makes me all the more proud of who you’ve become and what a great way of saying I accept all of you I accept the parts of you that you don’t like I accept the parts of you that you’re not thrilled with because relationships are in Alucard I’m gonna choose this I’m gonna like this and the rest I don’t really want we’re all super super complicated we all come from histories that sometimes we’re not super proud of and finding that person that says hey tell me everything there is to know about you tell me about you and I’ll be here is one of the most important messages that you can share in a romantic in any relationship actually ultimately we all want to feel loved we all want to feel connected and don’t be afraid of you know your epic love story maybe being a unique one you [Music]

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