SPILLING THE TEA ON ALL MY THERAPISTS

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100 thoughts on “SPILLING THE TEA ON ALL MY THERAPISTS”

  1. To all the therapists I've seen before… I wanted to sit down and chat about my whole journey on finding the right therapist for me. I would love to know your guys' therapy experiences in the comments below. n_n

  2. Wow yes it took me so so long to understand the cutural importance and difference of parents in the Asian community especially with my in laws I get it now even though I do not have the same feelings for my own parents

  3. I'm so glad you've found the right therapist! That is so important… And I'm sure therapy can be so healing with the right person 🙂 Because of my circumstances I could only try text therapy, and honestly I don't think that the platform is bad in any way. it's actually cool how you have time to think and write down what you really mean, and also have time to think about what your therapist said, it's just that in my case they didn't match/were bad therapists. The first one felt like she didn't listen to my feelings at all, just went through a checklist of what she should ask and pushed me to "move on" sort of… The next one was just letting me talk and didn't even pay attention to what I was saying and what happened. After a year I was in a better place though and tried again and it seemed really great, but then she basically just kept saying the things I told her back to me like "Oh I see you're getting better. That's great." and that's it basically. The last straw was when she said that my relationship with my narcissistic ex that I was talking about for a month "started well, but then he was just confused and ended up hurting me" and when I asked her how to get my self-esteem back she said "surround yourself with good people. But you need to have confidence in yourself first." and didn't even try to even start helping me get there. Like, great, thanks for that, now I'm all healed…??
    It's so exhausting to open yourself up deeply to people and then get really uncomfortable results. I know it made me incapable of doing that anymore :/ I still support therapy though, I can see the vast potentials of it! Anyone with a good therapist, appreciate it, it's so enviable.

  4. Wow this is actually really helpful, like, in my experience I just went to the first therapist I found and didn't even took the time to say: is this person good for what I need or not. I went first to a psychiatrist and he just gave me pills, we didn't have more than 30 minutes to talk and I could see him just once a month. After a year he realized I needed therapy with a psychologist, but she sucked so much I just stopped going to both of them. I got so mad these people were so tired and busy and were just working like robots I just told to myself I am gonna recover on my own. Just deal with it, and stay strong. Of course it wasn't the best decision, for a few years I felt ok (that was on 2012) but since last year to now, I know I am under so much shit I really need to go to therapy. My problem is that I am poor so I can't afford better therapist and I am most likely get the same kind of public therapist with just a few minutes a month to talk and feel unlistened… but this actually helps, now I know what to look for on a therapist and hopefuly I will be able to go to a better one in the future.

  5. jenn, this was helpful for me in a way you cant imagine. i gave up on searching for a therapist bc of my bad experiences but maybe it just takes more time (?)

  6. hi jen i havent watched that many of your vids (not into your eggie line etc since it isnt my style) but LOVE LOVE LOVE this video, thank you so much , please do more like this! thank you for sharing with us, i am sure many others feel the same. mental health is so improtant. i am so happy for you that you found a good therapist!! i am inspired b y you to serach for one too. i get what you mean about same ethniticity….totally get it!!

  7. Hi Jen, I'm so glad I saw your video. I'm having the same issue/feeling with you. I'm a chinese who married to a British and live in the UK over 12 years. I feel I own my parents everything and I feel guilty that I'm not with them. They are living in China, although we go to see them every year. But I feel failed to be a good daughter.

  8. +1 on not throwing up at Joshua Tree! OMG! But +1 on dealing with toxic social situations too. +100 on not having our own issues bleed into our relationships! Your insight about our problems growing more complex along with our lives is so helpful! Thanks, Jenn 💛

  9. Would LOVE to see more mental health videos 🙂 and thank you for going thru your journey about finding the therapist that's right for you. I'll definitely be taking this advice to heart when I find one for myself one day 🙂

  10. Pleeeease make more videos like this! I've always loved your channel and videos, and this made me feel so much better about having mental health issues. Not enough people talk about it, and it's so refreshing and helpful for my own experience when others open up.
    I'm mexican-american first generation, and so I can relate to owing your parents. I've had to leave a couple of wh1te therapists because they just didn't understand that sort of culture. I'm still trying to find someone, and this video gave me some hope. <3

  11. Thank you Jenn ! This video is really helpful ! I’m under pressure for a long time , maybe it’s the time for me to try the mental therapist too 🙂 Thanks again !

  12. I'm glad you made this video, Jen. It just shows not all therapist are great. Whenever I tell people about my experience with a therapist, they couldn't believe me. I felt so upset about that, just because they have a degree doesn't mean they're always going to be a good therapist. There are good lawyers, bad lawyers, good cops, bad cops, good doctors, bad doctors and some people are just blinded by the bad one. My therapist exposed my personal life to my school and even called the 911 saying I wrote a suicidal letter when I did not write anything to her. I just stopped seeing her because I felt uncomfortable with her. She decide to revenge on me by calling 911, getting the cops visit my mom, that was so uncalled for. I'm glad you found the right therapist, Jen!

  13. Hey Jenn! Absolutely love your travel & relationship videos, but this one on mental health and therapy feels really special. I was a psych student for 5 or 6 years and for most of that time, I had no idea that a lot of the mental health issues we discussed in class actually related to me. I only sought therapy once I was away from home and studying abroad. My first therapist was…very much not for me, but our schedules didn't line up so I was placed with a different one. She was absolutely fantastic, and so was the therapist I ended up seeing back in the U.S. (All of my therapists were white, but my last two were really good at letting me speak about my life without white-washing it or ignoring the cultural aspects._

    As a person of color, I think it's incredibly important that we hear other POC sharing their mental health journeys and therapy experiences. So often, it seems like people of color are just brought up with this "grin and bear it" attitude. But that doesn't mean we have to bear it alone. So thank you Jenn! <3 And I'm glad to hear you've made progress. I have too.

  14. I've had the same qualms for seeing a therapist because of differences in culture. As an Asian person, we put so much pressure on ourselves to meet expectations as well as take care of our family. There is an obligation that we are raised to have to take care of our parents and family. I completely love that you shared this. Therapy is really an amazing thing. <3

  15. I would love for you to share some ways to cope with psycological issues. Everyone has different experiences in therapy, and not everyone finds a solution, but if you have found some solutions for yourself, maybe they can help us who haven’t found one yet 🙂

  16. this video is so helpful! I've been contemplating about going to therapy for a long time, and your advice makes looking for the right therapist a lot easier! Thank you 🙂

  17. I love this! Thank you very much for taking the time to open up about your therapy experiences. Even just getting the narrative out there that it takes time and to not give up is so important! ❤️

  18. Your current therapist reminds me of the one I had for 3 years. She never really gave me any straight up advice, which kind of drove me crazy at times, but she let me arrive to the conclusions by myself. She was great 🙂

  19. This is such a great video and so informational, I very scared to start therapy so hearing you talk about it which it’s hard to find good videos on topics like this, you made it very easy thank you!

  20. Omg ily so much, I have literally been watching you since 3 years ago and I think you had 800k then? But I have been trying to binge watch all your videos lately because now I graduated from Uni and I started watching you when I started Uni, during Uni I got so busy that I didn't even have time to watch anything LOL! Just wanted to say I am so happy to see you come SO FAR and opening up to us!! ILYSM <3

  21. I went to therapy in sixth form and it was so 💩 bc the therapist just couldn't understand my culture as well as said "you don't owe your family anything, go move out for uni" – and I got super influenced with this to the point it broke me down. Never again. I want to do therapy again but I'm just so put off 😅

  22. I love you so damn much – this pink look, this video – you're so helpful and inspiring. As I have struggled with mental health and have gone through therapy this was v relatable. Your content is amazing!! As are you!!

  23. i've had a tough time finding the right therapist as well, i went to see a handful and the best one was one that I got referred to!

  24. Jenna Im. I love you. I love korean. Watch way too many dramma of each. I find you inspiring your every video I take one or two things even the old videos about after school ten things you could do different or so. Also the one about your parents being abused in America. I love that. I’m Zimbabwean and I live in London. So I could relate. Thank you. This video too. Thank you. I have so much to say to you about this your lovely video I will try to come back and reply fully as I’m at work ❤️💞💕thanks for your saying be gentle with everyone and yourself especially yourself. So I repeat it to you too Jenn 😍💞❤️

  25. Whatyou said about considering distance regarding finding therapist is so true. Also yes it would have to be treated like a relationship because it is. To be honest your red flags part resonated with me. Sometimes you know this ain’t the right one but if you have a personally that gets too attached you might struggle to change despite awareness that you could do with better. So it’s good to watch out for the red flags like you said. I laughed when you said a tired calm and when you said I freaking cried me a river hahahha I did the same too in the only therapy I have ever gone to. Kkkkkk but it was short lived though the lady was compassionate. Also we spoke half and half and she offered so many solutions and I really liked her but I wish we didn’t have to stop cause I was changing home jobs etc so I had to move. And I let her know which made her feel I should be ready to find another since I will changing my home address.

  26. In general you are right we must not be quick to give premature answers there is a bible saying which goes “ everyone must be slow to speak and quick to listen” sometime you just want to show that to the therapists hahahha
    About your therapist advice to cut off your parents – that was awful but maybe she meant well. What I have learnt is that we only owe our parents love and respect. So if you want to help them please do it’s good and I don’t know if you believe in God -I believe in him and from the holy scriptures it says parents should be honoured. For some people taking care of them is their way to honour so I understand why you were upset it’s sweet because you actually appreciate all they have done for you. Adding to that. However don’t allow that care to make you stressed because it should be joyful to care for them just like the saying there is so much happiness in giving than receiving. In general it becomes an issue if say you feel you have to do this otherwise … just an eg. I hope you remain strong and awesome n fabulous which you already are :). Well done reducing alcohol
    💕

  27. this is one of the best videos you've uploaded ㅠㅠ i almost cried when u said ' be gentle to everyone, especially YOU' 앞으로도 좋은 영상 기대할게요~~~ and i would be really happy to see more of these videos related to mental health!!! 화이팅 ♥

  28. I’m a strong advocate of therapy! I went for two years in high school and it was so transformative & helpful. It’s amazing the magic that can happen with the right tools. I’m glad you didn’t give up and you found a match!

  29. I think the therapist who recommended ayahuasca went about it the wrong way, and I'm sorry she did that. You should never be pressured to partake in any substances involuntarily – drugs, alcohol, or even something as simple as the food you eat. There is something to be said however about certain psychoactive drugs' properties which have a certain effect of introspection and alteration of your world views. Most people who try it say the same thing – that they see the world, their viewpoints, and their connections with people in a different light. It literally forces your brain to make connections between sections of itself that have never spoken before, which often allows you to step back and take a hard look at some of your most ingrained beliefs. BUT using a drug for the purpose of solving a problem is almost never a good thing. You should ONLY partake in ANY substance with the full understanding of 1) what they are/how they work 2) the fact that they are recreational additions to your current life, and NOT solutions to your issues. With psychoactives especially – without the proper mindset and intentions you could easily have what is called a "bad trip", which can be terrifying and mentally scarring. Be safe out there kids, and educate yourselves always.

  30. Thank you so much for sharing this. This is the first video of yours that I've seen (after being linked by a friend), and I've just subscribed. You've inspired me to reflect on my own therapy journey.

  31. Please do more mental health videos!!!! Even though it's just you talking about ur experiences, I love hearing it because I find myself to relate too! I love u Jenn!!!!

  32. I once went to a therapist during college because I was so stressed and crying everyday. I did five sessions. She wouldn't give me any advice other than "go to sleep early" and "try not to be on your phone too much". My mom would ask me about every session and she was very dissapointed. After the fifth session I just told the lady I was feeling better so I didn't need any more therapy. I pretty much got robbed (60$ every session, first one for free).

    I even remember she had me do a list of what I liked and disliked about myself, but after I gave it to her she never talked about it again ??

  33. Hi Jenn, I love this video so so so much! It's deep, honest and sincere. Thank you for sharing your experience and all the struggles you've been through. As a Chinese student who used to study in the states, I totally feel the same way about the responsibility of supporting the family…Luckily my parents are very open-minded and they don't really ask for anything. But still, for me…I give myself too much pressure and always self criticize. I am thinking about getting a therapist in China too. Thank you again for sharing this. Would love to see more about this kind of topic! Love you, xoxo

  34. wowowoww.. i'm also asian american so that comment "you don't owe them anything" is infuriating. but i think it was definitely a cultural difference that she failed to recognize/understand. and yes to more mental health videos. thanks for sharing <3

  35. Hi jenn ! Im one of your abroad fans and i have watched this video like about a year ago. The reason why i wanted to leave a message today because yesterday i just came back from a hospital and feel some same feeling just like you mentenion. I feel being judged and treated not like an identify but just one of their kpi.. I didn't feel helped at the end. And this is my first time with therapist or seekin help. And i just remembered there was a girl who i followed on youtube talked about this so i come to check it out. And this time i feel more understandable and have courage to my next "date " anyway, wish you all good

  36. Thank you for posting this, I've never seen someone talk about their therapy experiences in such details. I've seen a Korean-American therapist when I was in the university a year ago and we had this counseling's office and she seemed to have a good reputation there. I definitely never regretted doing the therapy and it was less than a year and the whole process helped me so much including healing from a past trauma. But eventually I felt like she acted judgmental occasionally and I ended up not not being able to trust her as much so I stopped my therapy. Also one thing that relates to your video is that I did realize later on that finding someone who has a multicultural background was helpful in my case, because she had been there in similar situations as well so that must have made it relatively easier for her to relate to me, that she used to be an international student before settling down in the US. Another thing is that I actually like it that your therapist didn't tell you the solution but rather lead you through things as you find your own solution. For me gradually I realized that my therapist tend to be assertive in giving me advice on what exactly I'd need to do when it comes to specific problems in my studies and life and because I was beginning to value her opinions more and more as our therapy went on, I started feeling a kind of unease that I was letting this one person have this much influence on my life (I don't consider myself having a strong support system), like whether I should apply to programs this year or next year…so I actually prefer that the therapist doesn't tell you what to do. I have a professor that I worked with who had similar styles of guiding students when it comes to doing research and writing papers; it could be frustrating to some people or, even for me, at certain occasions when you really do want to hear specific suggestions on what to do, but for me not telling me what exactly I need to do is to give me the maximum amount of space and freedom while guiding me along the way.

  37. Yes!!! Therapy has been a catalyst for me and it has influenced all of my relationships because the change started with me first. Love your therapy journey, you are opening minds and hearts for so many of your followers! 💗

  38. Does anyone have trouble finding a line between 'keep changing the therapist until I hear what I want to hear from the session' and 'need to keep looking for the right one for me'. I think this is always the dilemma I have and end up demotivating me to go and see therapists.

  39. Yeees! I love this type of content! This video was so helpful, even though mental health awareness is higher than ever, it's still not talked about enough, especially not in depth like this ! Thank you 💖

  40. Her advice about ur parents…that is actually why I am still trying to find a therapist who is more familiar with the way we Asian-Americans grew up…but I haven't found any in the Bay Area 😞 And I do like the idea of a therapist who asks questions to help get me to what I need to do rather than a therapist who just tells me what to do -_- BTW how do you feel about talking too therapist via video rather than personally in their office?

  41. the "your asian parents suck and you should ditch them" line is the worst. no one should ever tell someone to severe ties with their parents without understanding the context of that relationship. I got this line all the time from american teachers, coaches, even pediatricians growing up and it's rude, patronizing, and undermining.

  42. you are doing such a great thing by sharing your experience! this is how the stigmas get broken. thank you!

  43. thank you jenn for this video. i would like to see more videos about mental health. i am 17 years old and as a teenager i need someone inspiring like you telling me how to heal and struggling less day by day with mental problems and growing to a successful person like you. i think mental health is the most important factor when it comes to growing as a person & changing the mindset. my aim is to be successful like you.

  44. Omg, the part about 'investing in myself' just left me thinking a bit. I always shop and buy a lot of things because they bring me joy and make me feel good but it's just temporary, whereas my therapist, which I haven't seen in a while will help me long term with her sessions.. I should definitely prioritize how and what I spend my money on

  45. Red flags with therapists are so important to understand. I went to therapy once and told them about the issues I was having in my life. Instead of being there for me they just said “that sucks I don’t know what to say” and moved on form that. This happened years ago but the moment has stuck with me in a negative way but has also helped me understand how I want a therapist to interact with me. My advice is to stick with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right it probably isn’t

  46. That therapist who told you to cut the ties with your parents truly doesn’t know the asian culture.. we have our own lives and dreams, but we will never ever abandon or detach ourselves from our parents.. That is how we are as Asians.. It is in our DNA..

  47. One of THE TOP 3 VIDEOS YOU HAVE MADE!!!!!! DON'T KNOW WHY I AM JUST NOW SEEING IT!!! THANK YOU AND PLEASE POST MORE VIDEOS ON MENTAL HEALTH!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤Love you, Jenn!!

  48. This was SO helpful. I’ve been having second thoughts whether my therapist, although very professional, is right for me. Good reflecting girl :)!

  49. How incredibly impactful that I was able to relate to soooo much of your insight and experience. Even parts where I couldn't empathize, just on a logical level what you gave here made so much sense. Thank you so much for your input on your experiences. This helped a lot!! ❣️❣️

  50. While I enjoyed this video, I am getting slightly bothered with the frequent idea in your videos that filial piety is strictly within Asian culture. It's for all family members of whatever race. I'm not Asian at all and I adore my parents and want to care for them too. My parents would do anything for me and my brother and I also feel compelled to care for them as they get older. We don't believe in detaching and they don't believe in ever kicking their adult children out. I finally moved out near my 30s after graduating college with a career, completely rent free and taken care of the whole time, and now I want to care for them as well. That therapist was wrong for irrationally saying that to ANYONE, not just an Asian woman.

  51. I'm a bit late to the game but I really want to thank you for this video. I find it so easy to connect with you and It was so refreshing to hear this as someone from a similar background. I'm also a PA student going into a health profession. A lot of other people have trouble voicing their frustrations about finding a good therapist as well as a medical provider. I'm so glad you found someone who you connect well with. It's so easy to find someone who wants to help you, but its difficult to find someone who helps you in the way you want to be helped. This is something I find frustrating even in my own training/ academics. Because my entire class is filled with good people who want to help, but sometimes its difficult to get out of our own heads to help others in the way THEY want to be helped. I'm always looking for ways to become a better clinician and friend to those in my community, and this video really sheds light on various ways/solutions that I can do that. So thank you for this great eye opener.

  52. Hey jenn! Thanks for sharing your mental health journey:) this video is so helpful to me, as I’m struggling with some issues myself. I love the way you describe things and experiences, your wording is so amazing. Pls do more videos like this! And have a nice day:)

  53. It's so happy to know that you prioritize your mental health. And I've learned a lot from you. I personally want to see a psychologist. I know I've been struggling with a lot of things and I just wanna talk to someone who can genuinely help me. Thank you so much for sharing this Jen 🙂

  54. I think you want someone who would agree with you all the time. I don't think that's therapy. That's like talking to yourself.

  55. She sounds like an amazing therapist! Therapists shouldn’t be telling you what to do, they don’t have all the answers. You need to find your path, they are just filtering your thoughts. This is just my opinion from my own therapy experiences. Hope everyone watching this video is feeling a bit better today. Sending love xo

  56. As a mental health professional, I completed loved this video! It’s very important to find the right person to talk to. Safety is first & important. And any good professional wouldn’t tell you what to do but lay out all of the options. I enjoy people helping me to help them. Good luck, Jen! ♥️

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